Harry Potter and his bloody revenge
by Dumbass blondie random
Summary: Harry potter and his blood revenge is about harry getting revenge on Malfoy his friends and random people, oh and hi 2 any of my m8's ps ur in the book so mwhahahahaha...it's charlotte the catching millenium bug 1, see more rambling! Yayness!
1. When Harry ate Sally

Harry Potter woke up another day at Hogwarts he thought glumly, the excitement of being a wizard had worn thin as well as living in that closet it was worth the sympathy vote all those years ago but he would never degrade himself like that again, and then picking up his stuff he turned to Ron and yawned "let's go get Hermione," he said half heartedly, Hermione was handy and all but her intelligence had crushed his spirit, he prodded Ron with his wand, "Fuck this shit," Ron scowled, "We aint a bloody charity case, she can go pay some other people to be her friends," "Ooh someone's bitter," Harry taunted, "Like, Harry what happened to you? You used to be nice and normal...you've changed man..." Harry rolled his eyes and pulled his glasses off Ron's face, "Now that's the Harry we both know and love,"  
  
In the dining hall Harry sat across from Ron, sensing evil they both slumped in their chairs to hide, "there you are you two I've been looking for you everywhere!" Hermione exclaimed (hence the exclamation mark), "We know," Harry said darkly glaring at Ron, "Hey, I thought the dustbin was empty when I pushed you into it, anyway I ended up in the laundry basket," Ron protested, "Count yourself lucky, someone had puked up in the bin," "What an earth were you doing in the bin?" Hermione asked naively, "Wouldn't you like to know," Ron said venomously, then realising what it sounded like he coughed, "Looking for...money...you know me being poor," Harry spluttered spurting his drink all over Ron, "Thanks Harry it took me two years to save up for this school jumper," he laughed sarcastically, Hermione giggled, but the sound went through Harry like nails on a chalk board so he pulled out his machete and shot her (yes we all know a machete is a knife and not a gun but the knife was a distraction from his huge...gigantic...gun). "It's not that big!" (Hey shut up Ron, who's narrating this story me or you! Me! So shut up or I'll turn you into a woman who wants to be a 58 year old man!)  
  
Ron looks around shiftily searching for line, "Hey Harry I heard that some new kids were visiting our school today," he said in a matter of fact tone ignoring the crowd that had formed around Hermione's body, "What during the summer holidays?" "Yeh, apparently they're weird, so when they arrive do you want to go crush them emotionally?" "I was thinking along the lines of scarring them for life but crushing them is a better idea!" 

Oh and to my friends Susan and Becca…who are the sluts now! Mwahahahahahar! (Not you) although my revenge for me being your slut in your stories is long awaited I can't bring myself to make you sluts

  
  
Susan, Becca, Charlotte, Jade, Sarah, Laura, Kathryn and Steph entered Hogwarts, "This is shit compared to the cardboard box we all live in!" Becca said, then noticing the famous Harry Potter she smiled sweetly at him, flattered her eye lids and said, "Who the hell are you?" "Jesus, Mary and Joseph Becca it's Ron but I don't know who that dude in glasses is," Laura commented, "Can you catch the millennium bug here, can you? Can you? Can you?" Charlotte asked paranoid and spraying bug spray all around her. Then she noticed the transparent figure of Hermione behind Ron and Harry, "Suzie, I see dead people!" she yelled, "Yes, I know," Susan said calmly, "God Charlotte you have shit for brains!" Steph joked, "Who told you?" Charlotte snapped glaring at her friends, "Hi Harry, you accidentally shot me in the head twelve times with your gun," Hermione's ghost said, "Good going Harry now we can never escape her!" Ron sighed.  
  
Susan and Charlotte sat down looking drained, "What's wrong with them?" Sarah asked, "The worst possible thing ever, they're back in reality, it's been three minutes...they're...they're," Becca couldn't bring her self to say it, "sober!" "No!!!!!!!!!!!" Hermione cried, then following the estranged looks, she quickly added, "What? I was just getting into the moment!" Laura quickly handed out some vodka jelly pots.  
  
Note for anyone reading...drinking is bad especially just a sip, if you're going to do wrong, do it right, have at least 5 bottles (Unless you're Steph our beloved light weight friend) 

Now a story isn't a story without a moral point this is mine "A friend is for life, so don't fall out over little things or big things just try and work it out because one day you will need your friend and if you've fallen out it will be too late and vice versa, so if they call you may be too busy to answer and they could die" that's my blunt and truthful moral.

We're going to skip a few days of feuding and get to the good stuff...the bitching, "You're so fat whaen you lye on the beach greenpeace try and roll you back into the water," Steph yelled at Kathryn, Charlotte took a bite of her cake, "What i'm going to throw it up later," she sighed at everyones repulsed looks, "Just because saying we feel we're fat gets us a free mc donalds doesn't mean we have to at Hogwarts," Becca said seriously, then burst out laughing. "Yeh, well...you smell bad!" Kathryn yelled,

"Ladies ladies you don't have to fight there's enough of me to go around," Harry said cockily,

"Erm...who are you?" Jade asked finally speaking,

"I'm Harry Potter...i defeated voldemort? I had many books written abaout me?"

"Frodo?" Sarah asked,

"No, not Frodo, Harry Potter," then looking at their blank faces he snorted and spun around indignatly, "Ignoramus!" he said then cackled, he clicked his fingers and Rin followed on,

"Hey have you met Malfoy, he's a real cheese, he pretends to be a bastard but i'm sure he's just real swell," Hermione said sitting next to Laura, "Please remove your ectoplasm from my hair," 

"I can't it's stuck," she said yanking on it, 

"Sure it is, Hermione go come onto someone else," Harry said returning, "Look i brought pictures, there's no way you haven't heard of me,"

"Oh are you the guy who went in a box for 40 days?" Susan asked,

"No, I'm Harry Potter that was David Blaine," he said shutting his eyes with frustration,

About the slut thing...i changed my mind...i'm a mean non drunk

"Harry, let's go mess around," Becca said grabbing her ruck sack full of glow in the dark condoms, "Hey me and ron played star wars with those they were our light...sabers" he trailed off, Becca went and she showed her his wand which stood to attention.

Ron was left standing alone, so taking pitty on him Susan said, "Let's go play quiditch...in the closet," Rons face lit up and there was a lot of scoring that night.

Okay sick revenge bit is over, i do know i brought the dumbledoor thing upon myslef, but i nearly did "naughty things" with the whole cast of your stories, not that it wasn't kninky.

Harry feeling very pleased with himslef put his wand away and killed Charlotte...that dumb ass...didn't even see it coming, i mean i was holding the gun to her head for almost an hour befoe she realised, but in the horror movies the idiots always die first. That Charlotte what a bimbo, stupid Character i mean who would think...wait I'm Charlotte, damn story!

Harry Sought out his next victim, Draco Malfoy, Malfoy was throwing darts at a picture of Harry, so Harry grabbed the darts and rammed them down his throat then he used his machete to hack off his crown jewls from the wall, as Harry wiped the blood off his face he ticked Malfoy off his list, "Hey," Ron said entering the scene that looked like something from a massacre movie, "What you doing?"

"Oh Ron, isn't it obvious," Harry moaned, "I'm killing people, and now you've seen too much but that doesn't matter because you saw me kill Hermione" 

"That wasn't an accident?" He asked astounded,

"Great Ron that's your third strike for being ignorant and think so i have to kill you too," and with that he hacked off his head and flushed it down the toilet.

Harry trotted back to his room humming the batman tune but singing different words,

"Ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne psycho Harry Psycho harry Psycho,"

"Hi Harry, Have you seen Ron around?" Susan asked totally blanking out the fact Harry was drenched in blood, "Erm i think he went that way," Harry said pointing to the roof, "Aren't you going to ask why i'm covered in blood?" Susan considered it then shrugged,

"Nah, the covered in blood look suits you." 

WILL HARRY'S MASSACRE EVER END...NOT LIKELY...WILL HE EVER FEEL GUILTY...WHY SHOULD HE...WILL HE DIE....WHAT'S THE POINT...FIND OUT WHEN THIS IS NEXT UPDATED NOT THAT YOU'D CARE! THIS IS A VERY RANDOM STORY.


	2. Harry and the chamber of secret weapons

As this story seems to be following the blonde dies first genre either Becca or Steph are next on Harry's rampage list Mwahahahahahar, Mwahahahahahar...  
  
Steph sat in the common room alone...loner! She was flipping through a very interesting book on Anne the half Llama and half girl. Then she heard a creek outside her door, she began to walk barefoot over to it when she saw something terrifying she shrieked jumping onto the couch throwing whatever she could find at it...she felt a chill go down her spine as it still made it's hideous way towards her, she knew this was it she had to finally face her fear, the creatures legs were spindly and hairy and she swore it was smiling at her like a mental patient being let out on parole, she grabbed her magazine and flicked the spider across the room, then she sat down and looked at the fire as a shadow cast over her.  
  
Smack! Harry swung his axe as hard as he could around Steph's head and it rolled into the fire, I know what you're all thinking, why Steph, what did she ever do to deserve this? The answer is nothing, it's the way it goes for all blondes in horrors they die.  
  
Susan sat down on the blood soaked couch laughing evilly, having the darkest colour hair she knew she's die last and if she was lucky she might be able to help Harry, then she got an idea, "Oh Becca sweetie will you come through..." there was no reply, "I have alcohol," there was a slight breeze then Becca was sat next to her, "Where's the drink?" she asked, Susan shrugged, then she used a bottle to smash Becca around the head, "I knew Steph was an alcoholic," she sighed, then Becca and Susan fought to the death, the final blow killed them both and Harry stood over them holding a guitar, now smothered in blood, he ticked them off his list then played his guitar badly. 


End file.
